Well, I did these with Eleanora so I figured I’d like to look back on this pregnancy too. I definitely feel much more chill about it all this time around. I don’t get on the scale. I don’t worry about fitting into clothes because my wardrobe is already more forgiving since E and styles are much more flowy – yay! I guess since I’ve done it before I know how amazing my body is and how much it’s capable of doing. I don’t always look at my stomach like I did before to see if it’s bigger or smaller. It just is what it is and my body knows what to do. And I have a 2 year old to keep me plenty distracted!
Even so, I still cherish this sweet life. All the sickness of the last few months has been tempered by my extreme thankfulness. I longed and hoped for this precious life for almost a year before I saw those two pink lines. It feels like even more of a miracle this time. I’m less worried about all the changes my body will go through and simply overflowing with thankfulness that I have this privilege again. Our lives are a little crazier and things aren’t as quiet, but even so I feel our daily flow of life is simple. I know more of what it really important and what I’m willing to sacrifice personally, professionally and in ministry to raise these kids. I don’t feel as much of a “death” to who I was before, because I’m so thankful for who (the Lord through) motherhood has made me. I think less about the future, and focus more on what is right in front of me. So if I do a little fewer of these sweet baby #2, it’s because I’m living in the moment and I’m really not thinking about how you’re changing me. I’m praying over your miracle of a life (however it will look) and preparing my heart and your big sister for when you come. We’ve been ready and waiting for you.
How big is baby: the size of a kiwi
How I’m feeling: I *hope* most of my morning sickness has passed with the first trimester. I haven’t thrown up like I did with E. (Looking back I didn’t talk about it much because I think I was trying to be mostly positive. Ha!) So it wasn’t puking at stop lights like last time, but I was definitely nauseated all day long. The smell of everything (almost) made me gag. I couldn’t open our fridge or go in the kitchen without holding my breath, and definitely couldn’t cook. Then I got poison ivy! Ha! So glamorous. (Sarcasm) It was all over my entire body for over 2 weeks. The doc put me on some meds after it just kept getting worse and I feel human again. It’s hard not to worry, but I know that God hold my life and the life of this babe in His hands – regardless of what happens. I can do my best to be healthy but ultimately the health of this life is not in my control. I still feel a bit queasy, but it’s nothing compared to the constant nausea and exhaustion I have known for the past 2 months.
Weight gain/ clothes: 5 lbs. Yep – I’m already bigger than last time but I’m not going to even think about that this time. It is what it is. The bump is mostly bloat, so I try not to think about it. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s my second, but pants don’t feel as uncomfortable. I still have some room (hello beautiful boyfriend jeans!) so I’m just glad I can still get into all my clothes. I feel the need for the hairband loop trick coming soon though…
Symptoms: Less headaches, nausea and exhaustion so yay! Still a good bit of bloating, but I’m used to that from last time.
Sleep: Well, I wasn’t sleeping much at all since Thanksgiving due to my poison ivy. Eek. But I have finally only woken up once or twice the last few nights! Hallelujah! Before that I was just tired all the time and needed as much sleep as I could get.
Diet/ cravings/ aversions: My appetite seems to be back for the most part! Hooray! Everything tasted disgusting – even Chick-fil-A! So sad! Salt was gross. Sweets, ick. All I wanted was salads with good protein. And I had to eat every 2-3 hours to keep the nausea at bay, which was so annoying, especially when nothing tasted good anyway. Glad that seems to be subsiding for now. We ate 5 Guys this weekend and it felt like heaven! I’ve indulged a bit these past few days simply because food tasted better again!
Movement: Nothing I can feel yet.
Exercise: LOL LOL LOL LOL! Yeah right! That has not happened since week 8! Ha! I hope to get back to something soon-ish now that my skin isn’t on fire and I’m not out of commission on the couch.
What I’m looking forward to/ best moment this week: We find out if baby is a boy or a girl a week from Thursday!!! What! I cannot wait. I have a better boy nursery idea than girl, but I have more girl names than boys. Either way, I’ll be so excited. I just want to know! I also love that Elle talks about the “baby in mommy’s tummy” all the time. She has a name picked out too! She calls it, Milky Slinky Blair! Ha! She’s cray.
Mood: I can’t say I’ve been at my best the last oh, 2 months or so. I’ve tried to keep my spirits up, but the last 2 weeks especially have been pretty miserable. I felt guilty for not cooking or being able to take care of E like I wanted to, but tried to remind myself that it won’t last forever and I’d be better soon. I also hated eating out for most meals. I hated that I was so exhausted and things didn’t get done. I hated trying to pretend I felt ok so I didn’t have an “I hate life right now” look on my face 24/7. But if I have learned anything in motherhood is that sometimes you just do what you have to do to make it through. Nothing lasts forever and it WILL be ok. It’s ok to give yourself grace, especially hard for my perfectionistic tendencies. It’s ok to let others pick up your slack for a while. And to simply be grateful for amazing people in your life that care and let you know it’s ok for you to not be ok for a while. As for this week, it’s hard not to feel ALIVE and joyful over the fact of feeling even just ok! I feel the energy for life coming back to me and I will relish it for however long it lasts. (Because I also remember how the last bit of pregnancy was last time too. Ha!)